You love what you want them to be

We have all done it. There isn't a person alive who hasn't done it. Well, maybe there are a few people who haven't, but about 99% of the people in the world have done it, me included. Why we do it, I don't fucking know, but its such a self destructive thing, and it hurts like hell. You meet someone, and things go great for the first few dates. Wow, this is it, this is the one. You think about them day and night. Your heart beats out of your chest when you see them. Holly shit, I better drop a line to mom, this could be it!!! The search is over, or is it ?

You've been dating now for a good few months. Your head over heels,

and you think things are great. You just don't understand why your friends

hate your mate. You hear words like "lazy", "non-caring", "loser", "dick",

"bitch". Ahhh, they don't know what the fuck they are talking about.

They are just jealous. Its not one sided, its fifty fifty. Well, maybe sixty

forty, but hey, your in love. Love means sacrifice, right ?

You also don't understand why with all of this "love" going on, your moody

all of the time. You feel depressed when you should be happy. Your bank

account has shrunk like a dick in ice cold water. You get quickly irritated.

You become withdrawn, and you don't hang out with your friends anymore.

Does this sound familiar ?

You two used to be so far up each others asses, you needed a shoe horn to

be separated, but now its kinda different. Its not you, you still want the old

shoe horn to be an iatrical part of the relationship. Its them, or maybe it is you.

Its gotta be your fault.

Things seem distant as of late. You here "I'm going out my friends", more and

more. The more you feel things slipping down that scary slope, you decide to

double, NO triple your efforts. Its gotta be you right ? Maybe you have not

done enough, maybe this will fix things. This person is the GREATEST thing

EVER !!

After eight months to a year, it happens. You hear the magic phrase that

destroys you. It cuts your heart in half, and it shatters your very soul. "I think

we should see other people". You beg and plead, as if your life depended on it.

It doesn't matter though, does it ? They are gone. What did you do wrong ?

Did you not try hard enough ?

Lets cut to the chase, to the moral of the story. Yes my friend, you DID do

something VERY wrong. This doesn't make the relationship failure your

fault, it makes you human. You have just joined a huge fraternity of people

who have been hurt just like you, and me.

The mistake you made ? You loved what you wanted that person to be, not

what they were. You had an image somewhere deep in the recesses of your

mind, of what you thought that person would look like, be like etc...Then along

comes a-hole the heart eater, and your hooked like a large mouthed bass.

No matter what you did, it would not have mattered. Actually, you could have

done something. My mom always used to say "you can't love what you don't

respect". You see, when one person in the relationship does ALL of the giving,

without demanding anything in return, the other person starts to lose respect

for you. The other person might not realize this on a conscious level, but they do.

They start to push the boundaries more and more, kinda like a three year old

child does. The more they push, the more you give. The more you give, the

more they push. Its not just them, its all of us. Its just human nature, we push

things. The problem is, after awhile, even with all of your giving, they leave.

So, what now ? Learn from your mistakes. Next time don't be such a friggin'

push over. SET boundries, and draw a line in the sand. If that line gets crossed,

don't be a pussy. If it gets to that point, bail out, cause the plane is on fire, and

its going down. Remeber, love DOES NOT mean sacrafice, unless of course your

going to donate a kidney to the person you love, but organ donating is another

story.

Be safe,

Ferg