space sex

  Let Me start by saying, I KNOW IT'S BEEN A FUCKING WHILE !!!!! It's been way to long. I must get e-mails every day saying "Hey bag o' shit, weres the goods, you goofy stupid bastard!!!! I know I have promised in the past, that we were back,,,,blah blah fucking blah. Well, this time its for real. I'am back, and I'am here to advise, bitch, moan, and maybe get laid once in a blue moon to boot.

 

  Speaking of the moon, this brings me up to a subject I would like to discuss. A subject that actually got started in a bar the other night, by yours truly. If by some miricle of miricles, you were choosen to fly on the space shuttle, what would you do ? What whould you bring with you? A great camara, your significant others picture, your whubbie ?

 

  Well, this subject got tossed around by myself, and a few friends. Everyone had their two cents worth of predictable shit the would bring, or shit they would do while the were in space. I got two words for all of the people's responses I heard the other night: FUCKING BORING !!!!

 

  I was like, HELLOOOOOOO, if you got one chance in a life time to fly on the space shuttle, you'd bring a fucking roll of quarters and some tiny ameriacan flags ?? Did anyone tell this brain dead bitch, every fucking astronot has done this....ALREADY !! "Come on people" I cried!! "You can do better than that, much better".

 

  "Ok smarty dick", a cry came from the crowd, "what would you bring, what would you do"? Funny you should ask...heheheheeh. Well, for starters, I would check the size of those big pockets, on those bright orange flight suits, to see who much shit I could smuggle into space. The fuckers look pretty damn big, so I'am sure the could hold ALOT!!!

 

  My first trip before pre flight, would be right to the local liquer store. Once there I would get some limes, salt, and a bottle of Patron tequila. That's right, Patron. Nothing is to good for my trip into outer space. My next step would be to my local doctor. Yup that's right, my doctor. I would tell him I have been really anxious as of late, and I can't fall asleep...cha ching!! Now I have got me some xanax and some ambien.

 

  The next part of my space picinic basket would require me to call an old friend whom I call the lawn mower man. I call him this cause nobody's better at getting weed when it's needed then him. Now that I have all my zero G goodies, the next thing I would do is start to get VERY close to the hottest girl on the flight.

 

  I use the term "hottest" loosly, because there are not many good looking female astronots. There are some that are pretty damn hot, but I would have to assume with my luck, I'll be flying with the ugly ones, so this is were the "picnic basket will most definetly help.

 

  Ok, now we are on the launch pad, all of my pockets filled with contraband. I' am not only ready to fly into space, I'am ready to be "higher" then all of the other astronots combined. "THREE"..."TWO"..."ONE"...BLAST OFF, the cool voice over dude announces, and whoooosh...off we go into space. What all of the other nerds I'm sitting with on the shuttle don't relize, is that I have been in orbit for the past hour prior, thanks to the lawn mower man, who modified the  breather in my space helmet with a pipe, screen, and a bowl.

 

  Thank god for those super reflective space visors. Anyway, we are in orbit now, and its time to get down to our orange flight suits, the ones with all of the pockets, of mine which are filled with my "major tom" space goodies. On this flight, we have an American pilot, and co-pilot. Down below on "B" deck, its myself, Gurtrude, and Rebecca.

  Gurtrude is this thick, somewhat hairy Russian gal, and Rebecca is a little blond haired nerdy Canadian girl. While the two guys in the cock pit are doing cock pit things, I ask these two space lovelys if they want to party. Before I go on, however, lets talk about the term "cock pit". Since technecally speaking, a girls vagina is a "cock pit", why don't they call it the "pussy pit" ? I was just wondering....sorry.

 

  Anyway, these two nerdy girls think by partying, I mean have some celebratory orange juice. I let them believe that for a sec. I whip out my trusty Patron, and put it into a jello cup. I tell them to open up, as I flick salt at their mouths. To see that salt flying in zero g, in a straight line right to their lips, would be a sight to be seen, but it can only get better.

 

  I flick my finger tip at the back of the jello cups, and two balls of Patron go flying across the cabin, not veering an inch off course to the intended targets, Rebbeca's and Gurtrude's mouths. Like two trained dolphins, both girls, using their mouths only, scoop up the Patron. The party has officially begun.

 

  Now to my readers, picture this is you in this situation. So far, would you not have done the same fucking thing ? You bet your sweet ass you would !! So now you have these two female astronots flyiing all over the cabin, chasing big giggly balls of Patron, and getting drunker by the minute. Shit another couple of shots, we could be looking at the next girls gone wild video, coming to you live from outter space.

 

  This leads us up to our next point, and I asked this to some of my married friends. If you had  the chance to fuck one of the female astronots in space, even if it ment cheating on your wife or husband, would you ? They were all like "no way". Well, I have two words for them...fucking lying bithces!! Imagine what it would be like to fuck in zero gravity ?? Holy shit, that would be the best sex anyone could ever possibly have....period!!

 

  I would fuck the ugliest bicth on the shuttle just to get some extra terrestrial ass!! I wouldn't care if when Gurtrude took off her flight suit, and she had a full set of hair panties sprouting 3 feet from her groin. Sometimes, for the sake of science, we have to put oursleves second, and for this "experiment", I would be the number one volunteer.

 

  Well, I know how my senario would really go. I would quickly strike out with Rebbeca and Gurtrude, cause they are a bunch of spineless nerds. Oh boy, oh fuck, only one thing left to do. If I make it to space, I'am at least busting a fucking nut in space. With no gravity to stop it, the giz will go off like a cannon shot..!!!

 

  I would be cranking my dick faster and faster, until I let out a little "umph", and off it goes. Gurtrude, who was trying to make it look like she wasn't watching what I was doing, see's my white lightning seamen ball flying straight for her, and she manages to push off the bulkhead, sending her flying harmlessly out of the way of my intergaltic manhhod.

 

  Rebecca on the other hand was not so lucky. You see, Gurtrude and Rebecca were standing right next to each other, working on the same experiment. Gurtrude showed her true feelings for Rebecca by muttering not a single word, in regards to the in coming giz bomb. Right before impact, Rebecca turned right towards the flying white furry, a split second before it made impact, with her face!!!

 

  With no garvity to help her, it did not oozzzzzeee down her cheeks, towards her chin. Shit, I didn't even budge. Being the professional she was, Rebecca did not say a single word, kicked off of the bulkhead nearest to her, and flew right to the space pottie, where she threw up for about twenty minutes. The smarty pants that I 'am, I know this would be the cum shot of a life time, so I would make sure I got it on tape.

 

  Come on guys and girls, you know that come shot would show up in about every porno made. I would make a huge profit off of one lillte squirt :) Well, now as we were getting our gear on, to prepare to land, I relized Rebecca was a tad more pissed than I thought. As I put on my flght helmet, I felt something warm and most in my helmet, which was followed by a horrible smell. No, it wasn't the tree gallons of throw up she had let loose, it was about five pounds of Rebecca's freshly made shit!!! Touche Rebecca, Touche !!:)

 

  Well kids, here is the moral of the story. In this world, if you ever get the chance to do something few people ever get the chance to do, live totally for that moment!! Think outside of the box. Make your experiance and experiance NO ONE has ever had before, even if it means masterbaiting in outter space.

 

  In this world, very seldom do opportunities come up, where we literally get the chance of a life time to do something. Since it's your life, and your memories, make the moment count !!!!

 

  Be safe..ferg