FW: Stuck in a hole

What the fuck is wrong with me ? I found myself asking that question today. Of course, I only asked that question to myself, so does that count as a real question ? I don't really know the answer to that, maybe one of my loyal readers can answer that one, because I can't. Its kind of like that stupid philosophical question "If a tree falls in the forest, and there is no one to hear it, does it really make a noise" ?

I guess the answer to both of those questions is "who really gives a fuck". If someone pops the answer out of their ass, will it make them a million dollars ? Will they be filled with eternal bliss, knowing they found the answer to an age old question ? Who the fuck knows, but what I do know, is I have been thinking way to much as of late.

Being a naturally observant person, I have noticed a lot of changes in the world over the years. I have talked to friends I have not heard from in ages, and they are all sooooo different then they used to be. For the most part, I'am so proud of them, because they have done so much with their lives. They are doctors, lawyers, business people. They have great big houses, great big families, lots of money, and they are NOTHING like they used to be. Whether that's a good or bad thing, again, I don't fucking know, but the point is they have changed.

Even the newer friends in my life are pretty amazing. They have all become really great people, and its obvious they have progressed from point A to point B. I can tell by their stories, they are no longer the same people that they used to be. Oh boy, I know ya'll can see what's coming next. Well if you can't, here it is. What the FUCK happened to me ?

I' am still the same person that I have been since I was about 12 years old. I never fucking progressed at all. Well, that's not totally true. I did progress a little bit, only because state law mandates you have to either graduate high school, or get kicked the fuck out. So I opted to graduate high school, and go to the 13th grade (i.e. freshman year in college).

Talk about milking college for all it was god damn worth. I have 165 college credits !! I could have gotten a fucking masters with all of those fucking credits, and that's no fucking joke. So after all of that fucking school, I had to get a real job to pay some of those fucking loans off. Speaking of paying things, let me tell all of you something else. I soooo fucked my credit up with college credit cards, it makes me want to slap myself a thousand times over in the balls, with a fly swatter.

So I get a real job, which I still have, and I have not gotten anywhere. I always pictured myself being so suave and sophisticated when I grew up. A real mature guy, who reads the paper while smoking a pipe. A guy who talks about his stock portfolio with his friends, while playing bridge. A guy who can swirl wine in a glass, and tell you the vintage.

Well, I'm stuck like that poor bastard, who always seems to be eternally stuck, because his name rhymes with fuck. Yup, I'am stuck like that guy Chuck. I have not matured one god damn bit. I still watch reruns of the Power Rangers, and Scooby doo. The worst part is, I FUCKING hated Scooby Doo growing up. I would have rather watched old episodes of the stock market reports from the news, then watch fucking Scooby Doo. Those "meddling kids" were always solving mysteries, and running from zombies right ? Well, how come not one of those cock suckers ever asked this question "how did this fucking dog learn to talk, and why the fuck is he smarter than Shaggy"?

So anyway, I'am stuck right ? I still have shitty credit, and live in a fucking apartment. My biggest cooking skill, is the ability to add extra noodles to Hamburger Helper, without taking away from the taste. Half the time, I wipe my ass with napkins, because I forget to by more toilet paper at the store, cause my mom isn't here to do it for me anymore. I still play video games too. I lost my fucking mind last year, when my Playstation 2 broke.

The worst part of being stuck in yester year, is its a double edged sword. A part of me feels like an asshole, because I have amounted to pretty much nothing. The other half of me screams out "fuck it" ! I may not have everything I want, but I am kinda content with my life. Its pretty simple, and in this fucked up, complicated world, simple is good.

I guess the moral of the story is this. There are always gonna be people more successful than you, and less successful. Don't gauge your happiness by your possessions, but rather by your experiences. If you are happy with were you are at in life, that's all that truly matters. Live your life for you, and no one else. Cause in the end my friend, we are all gonna die, and we can't take any of our shit with us. So fuck your old buddy Jim, who now lives in a mansion. He's gonna die, just like your broke ass.

Have a nice day.

Be safe,

Ferg