Those were the days

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Ahhh, the teenage years. How often do we look back, and ponder how much we miss them. I hear it from my friends all the time. Well, being the man I'am, its time to debunk all of that fucking bullshit ! You think those days were so great, so wonderful ? Its time for me to jog the ole memory dome for ya'll.

Shit, there's so much material, where do I start ? Hmmm, lets start with ZITS! It happened to me around the time I was 12. I remember that first zit like it was yesterday. I went to bed, and everything was just fine. I even think I slept pretty well that night. Somewhere in the night, it got me. The Lord Of the Zit found my nose, like a blood hound looking for a murder suspect.

Oh my god !! What the fuck is it !! At first I thought is was my long lost co joined twin, finally making its presence known. Gotta go to school, oh man, oh man, what am I gonna do ? Thank god for band aids. So I slap this stupid fucking band aid across my nose. Looking back, it was probably this very zit, that gave someone the bright idea for those breath easy things ya see all of the pro football players wearing. The only problem was mine was a "my little pony" band aid.

My mom never had a problem getting things at discount prices, and it just so happened...So off I go to school, with a bunch of silly pink, yellow and blue ponies on my friggin' nose. Better then my twin waving to all my friends, right ? In my haste to get out the door, I forgot to bring a few extra, just in case.

Just in case happened at gym class. Oh yeah, we were playing floor hockey ! I loved fucking floor hockey. That has got to be the coolest fucking gym class game known to man. I'm running, shooting, passing, having a blast. Then it happened. All day, the other students had asked me why I was wearing a band aid with prancing ponies on my nose ? "Oh man, I got into a fight dude, got busted right across the nose". It looked gay, but sounded tuff. I figured the fight story would deflect some of the sissy factor of the my little ponies.

I shoot, I score !!!! Everyone looked at me in gym class, all at once. No, it wasn't for the great 30 foot slap shot I just took. I looked down on the ground, and there it was. All of those happy little silly ass ponies had leapt from my nose, to the hard wood floor. They were now looking up at me, laughing. I swear one of them even flipped me the hoof...

Blue balls, an affliction so horrid, it should have its own foundation. Jerry fucking Lewis shoulda said. "Fuck MS, more people suffer from blue balls", and suffer is an understatement. My first experience hit me like a baseball bat to the fucking nuts. My sisters friend came over, and yes she was a horny fucking teenager too. We must have made out for five, six hours. The whole time my dick was as hard as granite.

Well, after the marathon foreplay session, I drag myself, and my rock hard sweaty dick to bed. I almost escaped the pain, I almost fell asleep. It started with a little ache in my left nut. Then like an oil slick in Alaska, it spread to my right nut. Up to my abdomen, across my hips. someone call nine fucking one, one. I think I am dying !!!! The pain was so intense, it brought tears to my eyes. Looking back, I know I shoulda jerked off, but it was to late. Once that pain comes, not even cumming will stop it. That was the first of many bouts of the dreaded blue balls.

To make matters worse, being I really had no idea what was going on. I went and talked to my MOM !!!!! Being the angel that she was, she saved me the immediate embarrassment of punking me out about blue balls. She knew that I had blue balls, but she never said a word about it. She just told me to go to sleep, and I would be ok in the morning. As I left my parents bedroom, I heard a lourd burst of laughter coming from both my parents. They weren't laughing at me, were they ?

Here is just a small list of other diddies, to make you remember:

1) never getting laid

2)asking parents for money

3)bad hair cuts

4)school lunch

5)asking permission to go out

6)no car or drivers license

7)asshole jocks

8)homework

I could go on and on, but I am sure I have started a cascade of your own memories. Go on now, and reflect on these memories. Look back and smile. They are funny, and sad at the same time. Ya know what ? I miss them too, even the blue balls.

Be safe,

ferg