FW: Dana seeks some advice

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  Hello to all my friends. I'am sorry I have been away for so long. So much shit has been going on in my dumb ass life, I can hardly believe it. The shit has been mostly bad too. That is not what we are here to discuss today. Our good friend Dana is seeking some advice. Dana my love, I am gonna give it to you straight. We will fix this problem. Lets see what Dana had to say.

 

  "I have been in love with this guy for two years. We were friends, dated and broke up. We managed to stay friends, but it has never been the same. I miss him and I want to be with him again. Sometimes I feel like he might want the same thing. But then he won't return my phone calls and then when he does he is distant and kind of cold. I know he is dating a few girls, but he never admits to it when we talk. I feel like he hides things from me. Why wouldn't he just tell me the truth? It is not like we are dating. He knows how I feel about him, but he never tells me how he feels. Is he just using me and wants to keep me hanging on? Or is there something I am missing? You seem to know guys pretty well, so I would appreciate any help you could give".

 

  Oh my dear Dana. Let me start by saying you sound like a real sweet heart. You seem like a great girl, and I'am sorry you have been caught up in a bad deal, and that's what you have here. Let me explain what has been going on. The one thing I wish you would have told me, is why did you two break up ? It's ok though, I think I got this one pegged anyway.

 

  From everything you have told me in your letter, it sounds to me like this guy is a piece of shit. It's pretty obvious, you have been very honest with him. You have told him how much you care about him, and all you have gotten is dumped on like a chump. Believe me sweetie, I don't think for one second you are anything but wonderful. I don't even know your ex-boyfriend and I don't like him already.

 

  The problem you are dealing with, all revolves around the fact your ex doesn't want you right now, but he does not want anyone to have you neither. Believe me, he knows how you feel, and it makes him feel really good. You have become the emotional safety net, in his tight rope of life. The irony is, he needs you more than you need him, you just don't know it. Be advised though, this guy is a selfish son of a bitch, and he is the LAST thing you need in your life. Let me explain.

 

  You both dated and broke up. The reason is not that important, as to why you two split up. The bottom line is, the both of you maintained a relationship after the break up. Even though you said you guys stayed friends, you obviously made it very clear to him, you still loved him, and wanted to be with him. He responded by giving you some crumbs right ? The ole dreaded "string along". I bet every time he gave you a crumb, one of two things happened.

 

  The first one is this. He probably had a very bad dating experience or someone he was dating blew him off. He likes some chick, and she gives him the ole heave ho like you should. Damn, he is hurting right ? Little Suzie Bitchass just hurt your true loves feelings, and he is hurting. Well, if you were him, were would you go to help heal your battered and bruised ego ?

 

  Hmmmm, let me see. If I were him, I would go to the one person in the whole world that I know loves me. A person that thinks I'am a great guy, even though Suzie thinks I'am a dick bag. A person who strokes my ego with her unconditional love. That would be you Dana. I'am positive you make this guy feel like gold. Lots of compliments, praise, and love. You have put your ex on a pedestal, and he loves it. It makes him feel good.

 

  The second thing is this. I bet there are plenty of times you get sick of this shit. Somewhere in your head, the smart part of you is screaming to the heart part of you "fuck this guy, he is an asshole". Occasionally, this part of you actually gets a chance to show itself, and when it does, he notices it. You may not, but he really does, trust me on this one.

 

  So now your ready to tell you ex to fuck off, and he feels the heat. He can't lose you, because he needs you. Remember, you make him feel great. He knows that no matter what, you will always be there. Because you make him feel great, and he does need you, anytime he feels like you may move on with your life, he gets nervous. He starts to give you attention, because  he has to reel you back in.

 

  He doesn't give you to much attention, because he doesn't want to start a new relationship with you. He wants to keep things the way they are, because he has it fucking GREAT!! He can  go out and fuck around, and not have to worry about being held accountable to you. He can get all the love he needs from you, when he needs it. When he doesn't need it, he can just put it back up and the shelf, until he needs you again.

 

  The way he is, is all your fault, because you have allowed it. You were the one who set the standard to which you both now live by. You were the one, who because of the fact you love him, have taken him back into your heart, no matter what he does. You never drew the proverbial "line in the sand". I know right now your thinking I'am a dick head, but sweetie I'am right.

 

  The first mistake you made, was thinking that if you took all of his shit, he would come around. You thought if you loved him unconditionally, he would eventually think "wow, this is a great girl, I love her". This may work in the movies  Dana, but in real life it doesn't amount to shit, because people suck ! Now, do not think I'am downing you, because I'am not. The only thing you are really guilty of, is being a person in love. People tend not to think to well when they are in love, and that is why I'am here my darling to guide you through all of the shit.

 

  Now, lets turn the tables on him shall we Dana ? Here is what you need to do. First of all, no more telling him how you feel. No more telling him how much you love him, and want to be with him again. I know it will be hard for you, but you are only shooting yourself in the foot. You must stop calling him as much, and when you talk to him, keep the conversation short. Be "DISTANT BUT FRIENDLY".

 

  If you have read my other stuff, you have heard this term before. If you have not, let me clue you in. Always be friendly when you talk, but not over friendly. Treat him like you would treat a good acquaintance. Don't lay out all your cards on the table, whenever you speak. Don't call him every day, or take his calls all the time.

 

  You need to make him start to wonder what is up with you. Make him think "geez, she isn't mad at me, but she sure is acting different". By being distant but friendly, what you are doing is you are making him guess what you are doing. Your silently planting the seed in his head, that you may have found someone new. He'll be asking himself "where are all of the usual compliments...where is the love...why is Dana acting different...she is kinda of distant now". "Did she meet someone" ?

 

  What happens next is he will start to doubt himself. He will start to crave your approval again. Like I said, he needs you more than you need him. You just have to make him realize it, by taking about 20 steps back away from him. You will find, that he will be the one to call you all of the time. He will start giving YOU compliments. He will start to tell YOU how much he cares.

 

  It will be hard at first Dana, because it seems like you are not a game player. Like I told you, you appear to be a great girl. You HAVE to fight the urge to call him as  much as you usually do. You HAVE to fight the urge to tell him how you feel about him. Believe me girl, he ALREADY knows how you feel, so no more, You got it ? We need to take him off of that huge pedestal you have placed him on. We need to make that fucker stand down here, with the rest of us shit heads.

 

  It may take a week, two weeks, a month. Whatever you do, DO NOT GIVE IN. The first week or so, he will be in denial, so you might not see any results. The whole key here, is to stick it out. I can promise you, IT WORKS EVERY TIME. Now, here is the next part of my advise.

 

  Why do you love him ? Why do you want to be with someone that keeps you hanging ? Why do you want to be with someone who tells you half truths ? Like I said, you seem like a really cool girl, and you deserve better than that, cause you are better than that. I know love is a hard thing to fight, but look at is this way. If he is doing this shit already, why do you want to be with him still? He is obviously an immature guy, or he would not be playing stupid games.

 

  He also appears to be a selfish bitch. You said you two are still friends right ? Well let me tell you, if he really cared about you, he would not lead you on. If he REALLY cared about you, and not himself, he would WANT you to meet a really nice guy. He would openly encourage you to go hook up with some really cool guy, but he doesn't.

 

  Its ok for him to go play the field, all the while you are left holding a bag full of his emotional luggage. The most important person in this guys life is HIM. You don't need that my love. You need someone who is not selfish. You need someone who will put you before himself. This guy has been holding you back, from the chance to find a good guy, for his on selfish needs. I think you are in love with what you want this guy to be, not what he really is. Dana, he will NEVER be the guy you are in love with, because he does not exist.

 

  If you follow my advice, you will get the chance to be with him again. The question is, do you really want to be with him ? Write me back and let me know how it goes ok ? Or just write me back to tell me how you are doing, ok Dana ? Thanks sweetie, take care of yourself :)

 

  be safe,

  Ferg